Sunday, November 29, 2015
I'm not a writer. I've always considered myself to understand emotions better through visual arts. But lately, I've had things running through my brain and then I get a feeling that I need to just write down all of it before it escapes me. It's like a hope that, if I write something down, it will help me learn what I'm feeling. So here I go... It's been a little over 10 years since I became a mother for the first time. I have been married for 11 1/2 years. Everyone always talks about how fast time flies. It does. I look back on these past 10 years. I'm happy!!! I think of my blessings daily. I am really blessed and it doesn't take much for me to look at my children and know that. They are healthy, kind, and this stage of life is so fun. I know I will look back at this time in our family and think of giggles and laughter. I don't want to ever take that for granted. I have a chubby baby to snuggle with every night. I have a little 3 year old who is always excited and happy to see me when I get home from work. I have older kids who can talk my ear off. They want to tell me everything. I don't want to take that for granted. I want to always appreciate this that I have.
Being a mom is my most favorite blessing that I have. But it is also hard. I don't know balance. Is that even a thing when you're a mom? Sometimes I find myself wanting to be who I once was and other times I want to be who I've always wanted to become. Does that even make sense? I want to read more. I want to exercise more. I want to have time to just create something. I don't have enough time. I'm tired. Then guilt with myself or my mommy duties start to set in. I'm not doing this right or I "lost myself" in that department. It's not that I don't want it, to be a mom, but I just want know how to be a good mom and still nourish myself.
It got me thinking about a project I've always wanted to do but I just haven't done yet. It's an idea that's been waiting for me. I looked at the family sessions I've done in the past few months. All have moms that come with different stories. Some are homemakers with young kids and just trying to survive through a day, some are single mom just trying to do it all, some struggled with having children, some have older teenagers leaving and will soon be empty nesters, some are working moms, some wish they were working moms. I was realizing that we are all in different places in our lives and we are all just trying to be the best mom to our children no matter the circumstances. I am so interested in knowing how other moms do it. How do they find balance with themselves, their marriage, their children, their home duties, and maybe their work duties?
So I asked my moms a couple questions. This will be my special little project. I'm calling it The Hood Project. I hope that it helps you as much as it has helped me. Thank you to all my amazing friends who have helped me with this idea. I have so much respect and admiration for all moms in all parts of life. Elder Jeffery R. Holland talked about mothers in his last conference talk. He said,
"No love in mortality comes closer to approximating the pure love of Jesus Christ than the selfless love a devoted mother has for her child."